Up, Down and Sideways

Several of our choir members mentioned (on the form that you filled out at last week's dinner) that there is a lot of complaining in the choir. So I've been doing a little research on the nature of complaining.

I started by googling this question: why do humans complain? Wow, the range of explanations was overwhelming! The consensus seems to be, nobody knows why we do it, but we sure spend a lot of time doing it.

Some psychologists seem to feel that complaints are a sort of a safety valve for anger; that a complainer is less likely to explore a physically harmful outlet for his frustration. Others argue that complainers need to feel superior to those about whom they are complaining. There are seeemingly a million other explanations for why we complain but I couldn't find one that I felt was the exactly right reason we're having complaining in the choir.

Then I wondered, is a choir just more prone to complaining? Mark Twain said, "There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was, now." But I refuse to buy in to that mentality.

We humans just seem to love to complain. And sometimes we do just need to vent. The question is do we want to see something change or do we just want to gripe?

If we want to see things change, the only direction to complain is UP! It is a total waste of time to complain to people who don't have the power to do anything about the issue causing the complaint. A complaint that has the possibility of affecting change has to go UP the chain of command.

If we just need to vent, let's make sure to do that SIDEWAYS, but to as small an audience as possible. I do have a couple of friends who will listen to me vent and not repeat one word of it. They are extemely valuable to me.

The direction we should never be caught complaining is DOWN. To complain to someone who is in our sphere of influence is to risk totally destroying their morale. Just don't do it, no matter how tempting it might be, especially when really frustrated about something.

We'll always find something to complain about; case in point, Golda Meir said, "Moses dragged us through the desert to the one place in the Middle East where there is no oil." (Never mind that the Jews are God's chosen people, given the promised land, which God promised would be flowing with milk and honey.)

No leader will ever be able to completely eliminate complaining. But if we have to do it, let's try to do it in a way that no harm is caused.